Saturday, December 10, 2011

Scary Santa Saturdays, part 2 of 4. *warning* not for sensitive eyeballs

You know those super duper creepy photos where people would dress up dead people as alive people and then take pictures with them as though everything was normal? You don't? Then click here. And here. But only if you're not easily creeped out because there's dead babies and stuff in those photos. But not like the ones from the dead baby jokes of the '70s. Think of them as ... dolls. Yeahhh that's it. Dolls.

ANYWAY, for this week's edition of Scary Santa Saturdays, here are two photos of Santas I'm pretty sure are dead guys. Especially the second one, look how he's standing. Even the donkey is totally dead, check out the feet.


Photos via Sketchy Santas.

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Speaking of Santa, I wrote a post over on Eep I'm A Blogger today on why I still believe in Santa and it's up today. Click here to see it. And there's a picture of me with pink and purple dreadlocks, ugly early-2000s glasses and a Christmas sweater over there too, in case you needed another reason to go check it out.
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Fun fact, every time I write or say or hear "Check it out" or "Check yourself" I think about this t-shirt.

Six Dollar Shirts is one of my favorite online stores.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Things I Love Thursday

 I love when my animal buddies force their way into a  cuddle when I'm on the computer.  
I also love...




Going home for the holidays...a Gentleman's Rant. LOVE THESE GUYS.  Especially the redhead guy, he's hilarious.Their Hipsters video is awesome too.


That Iceland Air offers a stopover in Iceland for up to seven days with no additional airfare if you are going to one of their European destinations. A FREE TRIP TO ICELAND is all I hear there. Amazing!

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These tents from Field Candy. Yes, they are real actual tents. Awesome. 


Found via Checks and Spots.

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I also love...


 

That I got one more 'under 200 followers' blog awards...I'm almost there! Thank you Suzy


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This interesting picture of  all the eggs that were inside a hen that was sadly mortally wounded and had to be put down. I guess I never really thought about what eggs look like before they're eggs. Click through for the full story, there's one dead chicken picture but it's not as gross as it sounds.


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The surprisingly romantic story that goes along with my visible man signed by Chuck Palahniuk. (Yes, Chuck did draw on the mustache and the arrow pointing to the 'junk'.)




There's something about the little Santa hats in this party mix that just gets me.

Learn more about your digital camera: click here for a Shutter Speed tutorial, here for one on ISO, here for one on Aperture Settings and here for one to learn about the 'exposure triangle'. All very useful stuff. I should have read it all the other day before going to watch the annual truck parade and taking a bunch of grainy useless photos.

Leave today in the past...I have to tell myself this more often.  

This Kijiji ad for a snowblower. Even I want to buy it now and it hardly ever snows here! 

Project repat is a neat idea. 


Gala Darling's Pink Christmas. Big time giveaways up in there. 




Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Monday, December 5, 2011

Hating the bus goes global: SCOTLAND

 Meet Amii. She's one of us. A bus rider. Here is her story.

 



 I live in Central Scotland, in a town between Edinburgh and Glasgow, and outside Stirling. Being beside these major cities, you'd assume the public transport services would be efficient? WRONG. At even the slightest hint of snow or gales the service operators freak out and close everything down. This March, after a really bad winter, we went into total shutdown because the RAIN was heavy. You'd think, considering Scotland's infamous reputation for having four seasons in one day half the time, we'd be used to this and have solutions? Nope.

 So, now I've painted you a lovely picture of where I live, imagine this; I'm standing at a bus stop, in the pouring rain, wind blowing spray into my face, trying to hide under the measly bus shelter, waiting on another bus. Yes, another, as the first one decided waiting for a girl with a pram and screaming, tired baby was just too much and drove past me, and the second switched his 'Not In Service' flag on two minutes before he rolled past. 

 I've already come off another bus to come up to the town centre, and that took me from my 'lovely' little temporary housing flat in the middle of Junkiesville, after I'd waited at the stop 20 minutes listening to two men drunkenly square up to eachother on a Wednesday afternoon, a toddler repeatedly shouting 'SHIT, MUM, LOOK, I'M SAYING SHIT, SHIT CAT, SHIT HOUSE, SHIT DOG, BABY SHIT' or something to that effect, while his mother blabbered away on her phone ignoring him - not that the bus ride was much better, as unfortunately I got stuck next to a handsome fella we nicknamed Captain Gid Hat Glasses Man. (See dictionary definition of 'gid' here; http://gid.urbanup.com/755050, used sarcastically of course...)

 Captain Gid Hat Glasses Man (let's call him Cap'n Specs for short) is an obese, smelly, dirty chap who always wears the same bobble hat with llamas knitted onto it, the same filthy red cardigan, bright green glasses, and trousers that are too big that bare his hairy arse crack, which is always speckled with something I HOPE is dirt. Even breathing through my mouth, I could still feel myself retching because all I can smell is BO, burnt onions and poop. My little boy screamed the whole half hour bus journey, and Phone Woman's little boy is still cursing at the top of his lungs. 

 Back to the beginning of the tale now; I'm still at the bus stop. I'm getting more and more pissed off as time goes on, as cars pass, and as my son screams louder. Nothing's calming him down. Eventually, the bus turns up, and the usual process happens; the driver doesn't lower the bus, I struggle to lift the pram on, the bus driver scowls and mutters under his breath after I pay my fare in 20 pence coins, and an elderly woman grumbles about prams taking up disabled spaces (don't get me started, I've fought with this woman over this matter before!). I'm yet again wondering why I'm making this bloody godforsaken journey to my mum's house for dinner, and thinking murderous thoughts about the junkie who's clearly going through his gear in a black bag across from me - it's almost the exact same nightmare every time, like a really bad, expensive recurring dream.

 As we reach the village, the junkie sits next to me. I can practically smell the methadone rolling off him. He comes up close, and then hooks his fingers through my tunnel in my ear and yanks it, pulling me with it, and slurs, "So, wha'ssat fur? Puttin' bottle caps through?"

 Enough is enough, I storm to the front and throw us off the bus, buggy and all, even though my mum's house is still a 15 minute walk away. As I walk, I can feel the frustrations of the day building up, and my eyes tear up. I stop to rest on a wall, put the pram's brakes on, and throw my face into my hands, ready to burst into tears. I feel a little tug on my sleeve, and look up. My little boy is looking at me, his bright blue-green eyes are filled with curiosity and his little button nose is scrunched up as if he's concentrating.

 "What's up, baby boy?" I ask, trying to calm myself. He thinks a little more, looks around, then beams at me as he utters his first word, which makes the day's awful journey with those horrible people, the money problems, and the sadness melt away.

 "Mummy!"

Hurrah!

 One of the worst and best days of my life!



You can find Amii's blog here and she's also on twitter

Thanks for sharing, Amii! :) 

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If you want to participate in the global public transit hate-fest, if you have a funny bus story, or any tips and tricks to surviving the proletariot chariot, email me at novaisawesome(at)gmail(dot)com. I'd love to hear your story.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Peering into shop windows in Fan Tan Alley one spooky night, and a strange story about yesterday.



Something fairly unbelievable happened yesterday while I was on the bus. I feel like "did that really happen or did I see it in a horrible movie?" about it. If you follow me on Twitter you already know, but for the rest of you, let me explain.

I was sitting in a window seat on a crowded bus, and we were stopped at a red light. When I looked out the window I could see a car dealership and a small cross-street. Over the cross-street and car dealership are many many power lines. 

All of a sudden there was a noise I've never heard before. It was SO LOUD but very low, it was something you just know in your guts is a very bad sound. Kind of like a cartoon "ZAP" sound of electricity but I mean...LOUD.

And then half of the people on the bus went "ohhhhhhhhh". And the rest of us went "???"

I thought maybe it was a car accident and looked around but everybody was looking up. The guy sitting behind me also at a window seat said "All those gulls just got zapped...all over the cars!" And I figured it out. Seagulls were sitting on a power line and got electrocuted! It was so strange, it felt really scary somehow. Then the bus started moving again and as we drove away you could see people coming out of buildings with their mouths wide open in O shapes, the way people do when something crazy happens outside your work.

Half an hour later when I got out of the bus, something was on fire. Smoke burned my eyes. I couldn't see what was burning but it smelled terrible. When I got home I googled local news 'til my fingers were tired and found nothing about either incident. 

Strange day.

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